on a weekend (in bath)

When did cars become such tasteful colours? What is behind the shift from highly-saturated paint options to these soft sage greens, dusty blues, cinnamon oranges and persimmon reds? The new white and grey cars almost shimmer like champagne. I would love a long-read article about this. 

*

David forgot his phone at home. He also didn’t bring his wallet because he never brings his wallet anywhere anymore. In the end, this proved to not be too big of a problem, thank goodness, but it brought into stark focus how impossible it is to get into your email, hotel booking apps, and car parking and charging accounts from a different device now that 2-factor is embedded into everything. When everything works, sure, technology can be great. But when something doesn’t work, it’s a real pain in the ass and I seriously consider going full analogue.

*

Speaking of not working, why why why is the O2 mobile service in Bath nonexistent? What do you mean I’m in the centre of the city and can’t use my phone unless I’m on Wifi?? I’ve had cell service in the middle of South Dakota, so how is it possible that Bath, a city of roughly 95,000 people, is a dead zone for one of this country’s three (only three!) mobile service providers?!

*

Okay great, now I’m obsessed with Ofcom’s mobile coverage checker map.

*

Speaking of maps, Bath is one of those cities that really turns me around. We have just walked away from our hotel, zig-zagging down cute shopping streets, and wound up… back at the hotel. We have done a big loop. As someone who generally has a pretty good sense of direction, I feel like my internal orienteering arrow is spinning round-and-round in this town and I really have no idea where I might be unless I’m literally right next to the river.

*

There are a lot more people having a big night out on the town than I would have thought. Isn’t Bath supposed to just be Jane Austen hen dos and bookish students arguing about Russian literature in pubs? Why did I just walk over sick and see a drunk man fall off a bench (yes, it was quite funny).

*

Just remembered while filling my water bottle at the hotel that our old gym had sparkling water on tap and ugh, god, it’s so annoying how enticing that is. 

*

Restaurants & Bars that we went to and would go to again, Bath edition:

• Solina for pasta and light-as-air tiramisu, but get yourself on the waitlist quick because they don’t do reservations.

• The Dark Horse which is a real proper bar with a unique lived-in vibe. Someone told me that holding the claw of the wooden eagle that sits on the bar will bring good luck (tbd). Oh, and they have Fernet!

• Brac has a great spot along the river in a quiet residential neighbourhood. Their focaccia was incred and it was the perfect plate-fellow for their eggs in purgatory, which I ate with gusto in a beam of beautiful crisp sunlight. Quite a few chic older people reading the Sunday papers with their coffee and lots of parents with young children. Real wholesome.

*

We stopped in Swindon to charge our car on the way home and learned that the National Trust head office is right next to an enormous outlet mall. (Doesn’t feel right, that.) The building, Heelis, is a striking grey architechty kind of building, the type of building that is often next to something like a native wetland or a prairie, all very tasteful and important and sustainable. But instead of a wetland, Heelis is next to a glossy energy-hungry eye-sore that encourages over-consumption under the guise of getting a deal (one teen walking out behind us bragged to her friend that she “just bought EIGHT new perfumes, it was mad”). Now, because I’m in the car and bored I wanted to look up who was there first, and I was shocked to learn that the outlet mall (pre it’s 2015 refurb) pre-dates Heelis by almost ten years. Which begs the question: why did the National Trust, one of our most buildingest of building organisations, decide to build their “innovative and sustainable” HQ that they describe as “an architectural gem” right next to this (I’m sorry) monstrosity? I really want to know.

*

Whilst I’m over here asking important questions: why is the EV car charging infrastructure in this country still so garbage??

*

Bought a 3 litre Kilner fermenting jar from the horrible outlet mall while waiting on the car to charge. Now we can ferment kimchi and sauerkraut at the same time.

*

Sometimes it’s nice to listening to a sporting event in the radio and remembering that your imagination is actually such a powerful thing. Like omg why am I crying with relief listening to the end of this rugby match??

*

Going away for the weekend 👍👍👍

Coming home and none of your usual weekend chores are done 👎👎👎👎

on a monday

There is something so clarifying about having a little stomach flu. I always come out of it feeling something close to enlightenment. I’ve confronted the deepest depths of my human body, tested my limits, and now I can rebuild from the ashes. It’s a real fresh start and I never want to take feeling good, feeling healthy, feeling capable for granted again.

*

A humpback whale was beached off the coast of Oregon yesterday and I learned that one of the big problems for beached whales is that their internal organs collapse on themselves when gravity crashes down on them and they’re not floating happily in the ocean. And not to make this all about me, but after two days in bed with this flu I get it; my whole body hurts. (That poor whale, tho. It got caught in a crab line. How heart-wrenching.)

*

Just like everyone else, I’ve been listening to the new Rosalía album, Lux, on repeat. My dad always rolls his eyes and says that I like “dramatic music” but it’s like hello, you raised me on Queen and Pink Floyd and Yes so yeah, I like 🎭 dramatic music 🎭. Anyway, the final song on the album, Magnolias, makes me feel like I could jump off my balcony and fly, fr fr.

*

Other dramatic music that I’m very into atm: FKA twigs’ EUSEXUA Afterglow, Daniel Avery’s collab with Alison Mosshart, Greasy Off the Racing Line (did you know that Alison’s married to the guy from Homeland? Tf??), and the new Charli xcx collab with John Cale, Home. Why yes, I do listen to Radio 6, how did you know?

*

Have you heard of this horrible reading curriculum for children called three cueing? I read about it last week whilst it was doing the rounds on bluesy and yikes. It’s absolutely appalling but also explains a lot about media and regular literacy out there on the wild west of the internet. Thinking about the impacts of three cueing and whatever boomer literacy defect is happening in the Epstein emails and whew, we are all doomed aren’t we.

*

A friend’s son’s friend makes the most incredible panettone and is accepting pre-orders up until 17 December! David and I keep fighting about how many to buy. I think we need five, but he thinks three. We have another week or so before I want to lock in my order so I guess I’ll spend the next 10 days in a constant state of anxiety over how much panettone is too much panettone. Please stand by for updates.

on a friday

Brits have no respect for Black Friday. They think any Friday in November and December is Black Friday and I find this very degrading to my native culture. (And very annoying for my inbox.)

*

The thing about doing the work is that when you’re not doing the work, you know that you really do need to be doing the work, so you never again have an excuse for not doing the work that you know needs to be done. Very annoying, actually.

*

How many people accidentally drop their phones in post boxes every day? Surely it must be quite a common occurrence, but how common? Posties hmu, I need to know.

*

I am so deeply tired of turning on my rechargable lamp and then it suddenly turning off because it doesn’t have enough juice. The USB charging cable that comes with it is, of course, 5 inches long so it’s impossible to use it as an actual lamp when it is charging. Call me old fashioned but I’m sick of charging stuff, I just want plugs.

on a wednesday

YAY ZOHRAN MAMDAMI! What a guy. What a win! Let’s do Zack Polanski next, okay!!

*

First the olympians were all younger than me, then the entire England men’s rugby team, then my dentist, and now the Mayor of New York? Growing older is so humbling.

*

The ai cats in this campaign are really buggin’. Why is one of the cats enormous? Did the creator not realise that the pixel-purrfect fur is pulling much more attention than the prints? Is it really so difficult to take a photo of an actual cat in an actual home with the actual products that are for sale??! I’m not sure why I’m so worked up about this, but every time one of the sponsored photos comes up in my feed I want to throw my phone out the window.

*

My youngest brother very earnestly shared a video in the family groupchat that was absolutely made by an ai slopfarm focused on content (if you can even call it that) that ✨reveals the amazing truth behind some of the world’s greatest mysteries✨ or some shit. It’s all very National Enquirer, but with a comments section (and oh boy, the comments!). My brother was like, “Look at this cool thing they discovered! I wasn’t able to find any other information about it online, but it’s awesome if it’s real,” and it took everything within me to not reply, “Is your brain on? This is very obviously not real,” but instead I just stayed quiet and did a little breathing exercise and let them get on with living their delulu life because I learned a long time ago that they think I’ve been brainwashed by the woke mainstream media and don’t like it when I call out their bullshit. But I really worry about stuff like this, about how we’re degrading what is real, about how people are so easily taken in by blatantly false imagery and information. I’ve seen so many smart people I respect share articles/social posts/infographics about the hot Louvre thief/thieves, when trueheads know that those mugshots have been floating around the internet since the Buzzfeed days (and one of them is literally Chace Crawford from Gossip Girl). I don’t know how to teach media literacy without constantly being a buzzkill and a scold (which I often am) but it’s just so frustrating. I implore everyone to please do another google before sharing something! Verify your sources! If something doesn’t feel right or seems too good to be true, it probably is!!

*

It’s spiritually not right what we’ve done to the LA landscape. Think about it - LA basically has the same landscape as, like, Tuscany, but can you imagine the horror you would feel if you saw an Oppenheim Group office in those Italian hills? A setting that naturally beautiful should be full of stone homes with kitchens designed for slowly cooking down sauces, with gardens full of olive, fig and citrus trees and balconies that overlook views so beautiful that you are moved to paint them. Instead, the Hollywood Hills are home to some of the ugliest houses ever shown on television, the defining features being: large plate glass windows (perfect for sun bleaching all your books and furniture), overlooked infinity pools, and completely unshaded outdoor spaces, and we’re told this is luxury. I hope they make a new season of this stupid show every year until I die, I’m being so serious.

on a sunday

An enormous I-don’t-think-so-honey to the person who drove past around 13:00 blaring Mariah’s All I Want for Christmas is You whilst I sat reading in the sun on my balcony. Cut it out. It’s far too early for that.

*

I mean this so seriously, England desperately needs a November holiday like Thanksgiving to give people:
a) hope
b) but also a more appropriate start date for the Christmas szn.
Labour, if you’re looking to do something popular for once, why don’t you give us a BH in November?! We’re all deprived on sunlight and running ragged by the middle of the month, and it would be such a boon to morale.

*

One of the reasons Brits are so miserable by mid-November is that they love to be heat martyrs, each of them playing a smug game of chicken against everyone else to see who will be the first to turn the heat on. They will happily boast that they haven’t touched the thermostat yet, even when their windows are etched in lacy frost and they endlessly wax poetic about how much they love their heated blanket. Whilst it is true that heating one’s home is unnecessarily expensive in this country and it’s genuinely appalling that so many people can’t afford to keep their home at a safe and comfortable temperature, I implore those who can to please stop moaning and just turn on your fucking heat. It will make your life so much happier, I promise. (I’ve consistently had my heat on for weeks and while my mental health isn’t anything to shout about right now, my body temperature is very comfortable, my houseplants are thriving, and my laundry is drying beautifully.)

*

There is no relief sweeter than the end of a washing machine spin cycle. I didn’t even realise I was clenching my jaw, but now that it’s over and I’ve relaxed, all my teeth feel loose.

*

Something that is very puzzling about cat ownership is that it’s almost impossible to find information about how/why long-haired cats have different kinds of nails/claws to short-haired cats. I can see with mine own eyes that they are different in terms of shape and materiality, so why is this so difficult to find information about this on the world wide web?!